Money Matters...Even in Love!

Did you know that arguments about money are one of the top predictors of divorce? Yep, it's true. Learning how to manage your money together can be just as important as finding the right person to build a life with. In this week's newsletter, We're going to break down the psychology behind why couples fight about finances, and give you practical strategies to get on the same page.

You'll learn how to have productive money conversations with your partner, set shared goals, and build a plan for your finances that works for both of you.

Talking about money can be difficult, even with the person you love.

It can feel way more personal than talking about, say, your favorite color or what you want for dinner. We're conditioned to think that talking about money is taboo, so it's natural to feel a little uncomfortable at first. It's like this unspoken rule that's been passed down through generations. But where does this "money silence" come from? 

• Family Upbringing: Think back to your childhood. Did your parents talk openly about money? Or was it a hush-hush topic? Many of us learned from a young age that money is something you don't discuss, which can make it hard to break that pattern as adults.
• Societal Norms: We're often told it's rude to ask someone how much they make or how much they paid for something. Money is seen as a private matter, and bringing it up can feel like a violation of that privacy.
• Fear of Judgment: Let's face it, we all worry about what other people think. We might be afraid to admit we're struggling financially or that we don't know as much about money as we "should." This fear of judgment can keep us from having open and honest conversations about our finances.
• Shame and Embarrassment: Money is often tied to our sense of self-worth. If we're struggling financially, we might feel ashamed or embarrassed, which can make it even harder to talk about.

The good news is that we can challenge these ingrained beliefs. Just because we were raised to think about money a certain way doesn't mean we have to continue that pattern. By being aware of these conditioning factors, we can start to break free and create a healthier relationship with money – and with our partners.

Avoiding the topic of money is like ignoring a leaky faucet – eventually, it's going to become a much bigger problem.

That little drip, drip, drip can turn into a flood of financial stress that damages your relationship. Think about it:

• Unpaid bills piling up? That's going to lead to arguments.
• Different ideas about how to spend your money? Hello, resentment!
• Secret debt? That's a recipe for disaster.

One of the biggest reasons couples clash about money is that they often have very different views about money.

It's like speaking different languages when it comes to finances.

• The Saver: This person loves to see their bank account grow. They prioritize saving for the future and might be more cautious about spending.
• The Spender: This person enjoys the immediate gratification of buying things they want. They might struggle with saving and prioritize experiences over long-term financial goals.
• The Big-Picture Person: They're focused on the long-term, like retirement or buying a house. Details might get lost in the shuffle.
• The Detail-Oriented Person: They're all about tracking expenses, balancing the checkbook, and knowing exactly where every penny goes.
• Lack of Shared Goals: This is a big one! If you and your partner haven't talked about your financial goals, it's easy to end up pulling in different directions. Do you want to buy a house someday? Travel the world? Retire early? Without shared goals, it's like you're both on different roads, and that can lead to a lot of frustration and conflict.

Understanding these differences is the first step to finding common ground. Instead of getting frustrated with each other, try to see things from your partner's perspective. Maybe the saver needs to loosen up a little, and the spender needs to be more mindful. The key is to find a balance that works for both of you.

Another major culprit is a lack of transparency.

This can take many forms:

• Hidden debt: Maybe one partner has a secret credit card or a loan they haven't told the other about.
• Secret spending: One partner might be sneaking around buying things they don't want the other to know about.
• Unexpressed worries: Maybe one partner is stressed about money but doesn't feel comfortable sharing those feelings.

Hidden credit card debt, secret spending, or even just not being open about your financial worries can create a breeding ground for resentment and mistrust. Secrets erode intimacy and can poison a relationship from the inside out.

The good news is that these issues are totally solvable!

It takes effort and commitment, but you can get on the same page with your partner about money.

Start by scheduling regular "money dates" with your partner.

These don't have to be super formal – just a time to check in about your finances, set some goals, and make sure you're both on the same page.

• Order a pizza, pour a glass of wine, and make it fun!
• Talk about what's working and what's not.
• Celebrate your successes, big or small.

Creating a budget together can also be a game-changer.

It doesn't have to be restrictive, but it helps you both understand where your money is going and make conscious choices about how you want to spend it.

• Use a budgeting app, a spreadsheet, our Debt Free Dad Budget Planner or even just a notebook.
• Track your spending for a few months to get a baseline.
• Identify areas where you can cut back.
• Set some financial goals together, like paying off debt or saving for a vacation.

Download our Free Money Conversation Guide to Get Started