Episode: 294 - The Cost of Doubt: How Imposter Syndrome Impacts Your Finances
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The Cost of Doubt: How Imposter Syndrome Impacts Your Finances
Imposter syndrome. We’ve all felt it at some point—the nagging feeling that we’re not good enough, that our success is sheer luck, and that someday, someone will figure out we don’t belong. I recently had the privilege of chatting with Alani Bankhead on our podcast, where we explored how this all-too-common mindset not only messes with our confidence but can also hit us where it hurts most: our finances.
It might not seem like the two are connected at first glance, but they absolutely are. Let’s break it down.
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is that inner critic that whispers, “You’re not as smart or capable as they think you are.” It’s feeling like a fraud even when your track record screams otherwise. It doesn’t discriminate—whether you’re a seasoned pro or just starting out, imposter syndrome can creep in and hold you back.
How It Impacts Your Finances
Here’s the kicker: imposter syndrome doesn’t just live in your head. It has real-world consequences, especially when it comes to money.
- Undercharging for Your Skills: If you don’t believe in your worth, you’ll hesitate to charge what you deserve.
- Avoiding Salary Negotiations: Fear of rejection or feeling "lucky to have the job" can leave money on the table.
- Missed Opportunities: When self-doubt creeps in, we’re less likely to take bold steps that could lead to financial growth.
It’s a vicious cycle—low confidence leads to missed financial wins, and those missed wins feed into the belief that we’re not good enough.
Resources Mentioned
Connect with Alani Bankhead: Mighty Sparrow Coaching with Alani Bankhead
The Totally Awesome Debt Freedom Planner
For more help, and a step-by-step process to get started, enroll in Brad's FREE online course, LIFE WITHOUT PAYMENTS.
Free Tools and Downloads at www.debtfreedad.com
Connect With Brad
Website - https://www.debtfreedad.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thedebtfreedad
Private Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/lifewithoutpayments
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/debtfreedad/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@debt_free_dad
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bradnelson-debtfreedad2751/featured
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Transcript:
Brad Nelson Host
00:00
So today we are diving into an important but often overlooked topic imposter syndrome and how it affects the way that we manage our finances. Now, to help unpack this, we've got a special guest, alani Bankhead, from Mighty Sparrow Coaching Now. Alani is a personal development coach and career expert who helps individuals overcome fears and imposter syndrome to help them achieve the lives that they were meant to live. Today she's here to talk with us about how self-doubt can hold us back from financial success and, most importantly, what we can do about it. Stay tuned.
00:00
So today we are diving into an important but often overlooked topic imposter syndrome and how it affects the way that we manage our finances. Now, to help unpack this, we've got a special guest, alani Bankhead, from Mighty Sparrow Coaching Now. Alani is a personal development coach and career expert who helps individuals overcome fears and imposter syndrome to help them achieve the lives that they were meant to live. Today she's here to talk with us about how self-doubt can hold us back from financial success and, most importantly, what we can do about it. Stay tuned.
Announcer Announcement
00:39
You're listening to the Debt-Free Dad podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks and practical advice to gain financial freedom.
Brad Nelson Host
01:14
Hey guys, welcome to today's show. I am Brad Nelson, founder of Debt-Free Dad. I paid off about $45,000 in debt, have been debt-free for more than 11 years now, and I've also helped thousands of other people save and pay off tens of millions of dollars with the work that we do here at Debt-Free Dad. Now, after listening to this episode, if you're someone who wants to take your finances to the next level, maybe you're just stalled out, you're tired, you're stressed, like everything you do, it just doesn't seem like it's going to work. Well, we've got a great resource that I'm going to share with you here that's going to help you understand how you can get better results with your finances seriously, in just as little as 30 to 60 days. It'll be amazing how much better you're going to feel. I'm going to be sharing some details about that resource coming up later on in today's show. So, hey, alani, welcome to the Deaf Free Dad podcast. So glad that you are joining us here today.
Alani Blankhead Guest
01:58
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so stoked to have this conversation with you.
Brad NelsonHost
02:02
Yeah, absolutely, it's like we said right before I hit record. You know, imposter syndrome it's. Those two words are not something that we often bring up or associate with personal finances. In fact, some people might not even really understand what imposter syndrome is and how it could affect your finances. So it's awesome to have an expert like you come and join us. But before we get to that conversation, I want you to share with our listeners your extensive professional background, because I started learning about what you've done in the past and where you've come from and the experience you've had, and it is fascinating. You would be someone that I would love to sit down and have dinner with, because you probably have some crazy stories that you could share with some of the work that you've done.
Alani Blankhead Guest
02:45
Oh, I do have some crazy stories and one day we're going to break bread for sure. So I have over 20 years as a military officer and a supervisory special agent. So I'm a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force and what that means is I have hunted terrorists. I have hunted spies. I've worked with special operations as a human intelligence operative so the people that have briefcases full of money and they're meeting with their informants in secret and getting intelligence. That's what I used to do for special ops. And I actually specialize in child sex trafficking and child sex exploitation cases. So I train justice system professionals all over the world and how they can feel empowered. Imposter syndrome plays in that as well. And I was even a senior Pentagon bodyguard to one of the top Pentagon officials, and so if you're hearing this and you can't see me, it's crazy because I'm five foot three, I'm very petite, I'm Hispanic and I look like I'm 12.
Announcer Announcement
03:42
And so you know.
Alani Blankhead Guest
03:43
So people are like what the hell Like I? Just you do not look the part at all. And so why imposter syndrome is important for me is because I suffered from it for years and years just thinking.
03:56
I wasn't good enough and not worthy for these positions, that I had only to realize that the things I thought were my weaknesses, so my imposter telling me I wasn't good enough, because A, B, C, D were actually the reasons that not only got us to mission accomplishment but helped me create a life and career that I really love and appreciate for myself and my family.
Brad Nelson Host
04:20
Yeah, so cool. Well, first, like I said already, I want to thank you for your service, especially on like an anniversary like today. We're recording September 11.
Announcer Announcement
04:26
Thank you.
04:26
Thank you.
Brad Nelson Host
04:26
Obviously, thank you so much for that. But I was a little nervous interviewing with you, honestly, because I'm like I kind of have struggled with this, starting my own business, and I don't have a financial degree, I don't, I'm not an expert at personal finance, I'm just like your normal everyday guy who got out of debt and people started asking me for help and I just was willing to do that. And there's times where I hit the record button on these podcasts or I'm interviewing and talking to other people or I'm up on a stage speaking about this and I feel like sometimes like I have no business sitting up here talking about finance with all these people. And it's been something that I've had to deal with, especially very early on when I started, of having the confidence kind of push, push through that. And I honestly people might ask like how did you do it? I don't really know. I just I just did it. And even sometimes today I still struggle with a little bit of that at times.
04:26
Obviously, thank you so much for that. But I was a little nervous interviewing with you, honestly, because I'm like I kind of have struggled with this, starting my own business, and I don't have a financial degree, I don't, I'm not an expert at personal finance, I'm just like your normal everyday guy who got out of debt and people started asking me for help and I just was willing to do that. And there's times where I hit the record button on these podcasts or I'm interviewing and talking to other people or I'm up on a stage speaking about this and I feel like sometimes like I have no business sitting up here talking about finance with all these people. And it's been something that I've had to deal with, especially very early on when I started, of having the confidence kind of push, push through that. And I honestly people might ask like how did you do it? I don't really know. I just I just did it. And even sometimes today I still struggle with a little bit of that at times.
Alani Blankhead Guest
05:17
Yes, ooh, we can definitely talk about that a little bit I love it.
05:22
05:22
Well. So to answer your question, I think it's important to start very generally and talk about what imposter syndrome is, because a lot of people don't know. So it's this belief that you're not good enough or qualified for your position, titles, accolades like success, positive feedback, and that eventually people around you are going to figure out that you're this imposter and that when they do, catastrophic things happen. So you might lose that job, you might lose professional esteem, it might even go as far as you lose your job and then your livelihood and you can't pay your rent or your mortgage. And so your brain is doing this thing to try to protect you and keep you safe, to protect you and keep you safe. And so the term originally was imposter phenomenon, and it was coined in the 1970s by these two psychotherapists, so Dr Clance and Dr Emmes I'm probably butchering their names, but they saw these very successful professionals around them. They didn't understand why there was all this self-doubt, and so they did a study and found that 70% of study participants had this imposter phenomenon occurring. Now more than 60 studies have been done since the original one, and that number stays the same across all 60 studies. Now, if you're in a marginalized population, so, like women or, you know, minorities, that number actually goes up and so it impacts all elements of your life.
06:51
But since this is a finance podcast, it does impact your finances because the core thought around your inner imposter is I'm not worthy or I do not matter. And then it tells you all these reasons. So for you, you were saying who am I to get on this stage? Because I don't. You know, probably like I don't have a PhD in economics or I don't have some credential, so I'm not smart enough and I'm not educated enough, are the two top imposter syndrome voices that I encounter in my practice and financially. Clearly, when you're going to apply for a job, as an example, you're much less likely to negotiate your pay because that voice is saying you're not valuable.
But since this is a finance podcast, it does impact your finances because the core thought around your inner imposter is I'm not worthy or I do not matter. And then it tells you all these reasons. So for you, you were saying who am I to get on this stage? Because I don't. You know, probably like I don't have a PhD in economics or I don't have some credential, so I'm not smart enough and I'm not educated enough, are the two top imposter syndrome voices that I encounter in my practice and financially. Clearly, when you're going to apply for a job, as an example, you're much less likely to negotiate your pay because that voice is saying you're not valuable.
07:36
The same thing applies when you go to ask for a raise. So let's say you're due for a raise and the raise hasn't come. You're waiting for them to reward your hard work. It's very hard for people with imposter syndrome to go to their boss and say, hey, can I please get a pay bump, Even though you know you deserve it. You know you deserve it and so not only does this affect your current ability to make income. So you're making less money to save and invest. You're making less money to live a life. You're making less money to live a life of abundance, to be able to provide for yourself and for your family, but even long term. So look at your retirement. You're putting less in a retirement now, which means you have less in 10, 20, 30, 40 years when you need it. Same thing goes for Social Security. You're paying less in taxes, which means you take less Social Security when that time comes, when you actually need it. And that's just the money.
The same thing applies when you go to ask for a raise. So let's say you're due for a raise and the raise hasn't come. You're waiting for them to reward your hard work. It's very hard for people with imposter syndrome to go to their boss and say, hey, can I please get a pay bump, Even though you know you deserve it. You know you deserve it and so not only does this affect your current ability to make income. So you're making less money to save and invest. You're making less money to live a life. You're making less money to live a life of abundance, to be able to provide for yourself and for your family, but even long term. So look at your retirement. You're putting less in a retirement now, which means you have less in 10, 20, 30, 40 years when you need it. Same thing goes for Social Security. You're paying less in taxes, which means you take less Social Security when that time comes, when you actually need it. And that's just the money.
Announcer Announcement
08:29
Yeah.
08:29
Yeah.
Alani Blankhead Guest
08:29
So, absolutely, imposter syndrome impacts money in more ways than we realize, and the thing that blew my mind initially when I heard about imposter syndrome was how many people suffered from it. So I was just like wait, I've had this voice in my head my whole life and 70% of you guys have it too, and we don't talk about this. What?
08:29
So, absolutely, imposter syndrome impacts money in more ways than we realize, and the thing that blew my mind initially when I heard about imposter syndrome was how many people suffered from it. So I was just like wait, I've had this voice in my head my whole life and 70% of you guys have it too, and we don't talk about this. What?
08:51
So, that's why I have my company, because the vast majority of people aren't out to become billionaires and they don't want to be like money mongers. They just want to live a decent life and be generous with their loved ones and be comfortable, and that is amazing. Maybe you want more, but in order to create that, you have to understand the subconscious thoughts that are dictating your behaviors and then replace the thoughts that aren't serving you with more powerful financial thoughts.
So, that's why I have my company, because the vast majority of people aren't out to become billionaires and they don't want to be like money mongers. They just want to live a decent life and be generous with their loved ones and be comfortable, and that is amazing. Maybe you want more, but in order to create that, you have to understand the subconscious thoughts that are dictating your behaviors and then replace the thoughts that aren't serving you with more powerful financial thoughts.
Brad Nelson Host
09:23
Where do these come from? Are we pre-programmed to already have these at birth, or is this something that we learn as children from people who raise us Like? Where do these imposter syndromes and these beliefs come from?
09:23
Where do these come from? Are we pre-programmed to already have these at birth, or is this something that we learn as children from people who raise us Like? Where do these imposter syndromes and these beliefs come from?
Alani Blankhead Guest
09:34
So everybody has an origin story. So it's not something that you're usually born with Although there is a lot of data these days that talks about generational trauma and it being carried through DNA but for the most part there's an origin story. So for me it was. I had a college professor this was like really when it came to life for me who told me I was not good enough. I would never commission and become an officer in the Air Force, much less get my double degree.
09:34
So everybody has an origin story. So it's not something that you're usually born with Although there is a lot of data these days that talks about generational trauma and it being carried through DNA but for the most part there's an origin story. So for me it was. I had a college professor this was like really when it came to life for me who told me I was not good enough. I would never commission and become an officer in the Air Force, much less get my double degree.
10:04
And so that day I was like I will show you what I am capable of, and I graduated, I commissioned, I went on to do crazy things, but what I didn't realize was that voice of like you're not worthy followed me for years and years and years, and so one of the tools that I teach people and I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's really powerful is naming that voice, because that voice is something you created to protect yourself from living your most powerful life, and so I'm going to jump ahead to the answer part. I'm going to answer all the world problems here and say that when your imposter comes up is actually when you know you're on track, doing your life purpose.
And so that day I was like I will show you what I am capable of, and I graduated, I commissioned, I went on to do crazy things, but what I didn't realize was that voice of like you're not worthy followed me for years and years and years, and so one of the tools that I teach people and I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's really powerful is naming that voice, because that voice is something you created to protect yourself from living your most powerful life, and so I'm going to jump ahead to the answer part. I'm going to answer all the world problems here and say that when your imposter comes up is actually when you know you're on track, doing your life purpose.
Brad Nelson Host
10:52
Wow, that's fascinating. You say that because I agree, I agree.
10:52
Wow, that's fascinating. You say that because I agree, I agree.
Alani Blankhead Guest
10:56
Right.
10:56
Right.
Brad Nelson Host
10:56
It's when the majority of your fears are showing up, right.
Alani Blankhead Guest
10:59
Yes, and the reason why is because this life purpose is so central to who you are that this thing you created in your brain is saying don't do that, because if you fail at your life purpose, what are you going to do? Like you're a failure at your life purpose, so don't take action. Because you are not qualified to talk about finances or to talk about getting out of debt, so don't even get on the stage. Or to talk about getting out of debt, so don't even get on the stage. And so most people fight their imposter syndrome because it's scary, but all the nuggets that you need to your success are like what your imposter is telling you and what you need to launch into that.
10:59
Yes, and the reason why is because this life purpose is so central to who you are that this thing you created in your brain is saying don't do that, because if you fail at your life purpose, what are you going to do? Like you're a failure at your life purpose, so don't take action. Because you are not qualified to talk about finances or to talk about getting out of debt, so don't even get on the stage. Or to talk about getting out of debt, so don't even get on the stage. And so most people fight their imposter syndrome because it's scary, but all the nuggets that you need to your success are like what your imposter is telling you and what you need to launch into that.
11:39
So the fact that you did get on the stage and now you've inspired thousands, millions of people, whether it's in person or through the podcast or your blog or whatever it might be. The reason why you're so successful is because you didn't have a PhD and you don't have all the crazy credentials. You're a quote, unquote average guy who got out of debt and you don't have all the crazy credentials. You're a quote, unquote average guy who got out of debt and you just want to share the stories and the secrets and the tools, and because of that people are like he's a regular guy and I'm a regular guy, like if he can do it, then I can do it.
Brad NelsonHost
12:10
Right, yeah, yeah, it is so true, and you're right, the fears that you're facing, even when getting out of debt. You're right, the fears that you're facing. Even when getting out of debt. I felt some of the same fears because debt is such a normal thing, paycheck-to-paycheck living is such a normal thing, especially here in the United States. But even all over the world, the people that we've helped and I think a lot of people get stuck in this.
12:30
Well, why should I be any different? Like who am I to stand up and say I want to get out of debt and be debt free? And when I first did this now, granted, with today's social media and podcasts and all that stuff out there, I think the financial freedom movement is much bigger than what it was when I was getting out of debt. But when I started, like people made fun of me for it. They're like you're crazy, like you're not going to be able to ever live without debt, and that was long before I ever had this idea of having this business.
So the fact that you did get on the stage and now you've inspired thousands, millions of people, whether it's in person or through the podcast or your blog or whatever it might be. The reason why you're so successful is because you didn't have a PhD and you don't have all the crazy credentials. You're a quote, unquote average guy who got out of debt and you don't have all the crazy credentials. You're a quote, unquote average guy who got out of debt and you just want to share the stories and the secrets and the tools, and because of that people are like he's a regular guy and I'm a regular guy, like if he can do it, then I can do it.
Brad NelsonHost
12:10
Right, yeah, yeah, it is so true, and you're right, the fears that you're facing, even when getting out of debt. You're right, the fears that you're facing. Even when getting out of debt. I felt some of the same fears because debt is such a normal thing, paycheck-to-paycheck living is such a normal thing, especially here in the United States. But even all over the world, the people that we've helped and I think a lot of people get stuck in this.
12:30
Well, why should I be any different? Like who am I to stand up and say I want to get out of debt and be debt free? And when I first did this now, granted, with today's social media and podcasts and all that stuff out there, I think the financial freedom movement is much bigger than what it was when I was getting out of debt. But when I started, like people made fun of me for it. They're like you're crazy, like you're not going to be able to ever live without debt, and that was long before I ever had this idea of having this business.
12:54
So I think you have some of those fears too, and I know a lot of people that we work with have those fears of like I don't deserve. I don't deserve to have financial freedom. I don't deserve to have money in my bank account, I don't deserve to be successful, and some of the reasons why they say that is because this is all I've ever known was to struggle. It's how I was raised. Are there any things that you can share with someone who struggles with those fears, that imposter syndrome, just for my, that you can share with someone who struggles with those fears, that imposter syndrome, just from like a getting started point and I know you went through some of your own financial struggles so maybe you can share a little bit of that. But how does someone move from that fear to I am worthy of going after this and living this kind of lifestyle that I want.
Alani Blankhead Guest
13:33
Right. So there's a lot of different ways that you can start that journey, and it just depends on what works for you. One of the key behaviors of imposter syndrome is perfectionism, which leads to burnout.
13:45
So because your imposter says you're not good enough, you're going to overwork to try to become the best. It's never going to be good enough, that voice is never going to be satisfied, and then you're going to burn out and be like I don't understand how this happened, right? And so when you know that that's how imposter syndrome works, allowing yourself to be imperfect is one of the first steps that you need to take to start the journey. So I'm here to tell you you're going to try 10, 20, 30 different things before you figure out what you're getting out of debt journey looks like. And failing quote, unquote one time at a tactic doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means that's not the tactic for you and we have to try a different one. And so the most powerful tool I explain to people is the awareness that the voice is there. And so, again, actually I forgot to mention so naming your inner imposter is a powerful tool, because it allows you to separate the imposter from you. So you think the imposter is part of you. It's your psyche, but it's not. It's a mechanism you created to keep you safe.
14:53
So mine is called the Mayor of Whoville from how the Grinch Stole Christmas, because and I remember when I first watched this movie what, 30 years ago, like I felt a pinch in my soul and I didn't know why but there's a scene where Christmas has been stolen, the whole town is has woken up to no presents. The mayor turns to Cindy Lou and says this is what we get for listening to a little good for nothing, girl. But we, the audience, know that Cindy Lou's right. Christmas is not about things. Christmas is not about anything but family and community and the love and connection that we have. And so whenever that voice comes up, for me now it's the mayor.
15:33
I know, now that I'm on track, that I'm doing exactly what I need to do, because if this was not aligned with my life purpose, I wouldn't be so freaked out about it.
15:41
And now I have other things I can do to interact with Mr Mayor, in my case, right, and I'm going to talk about that in a little bit. But I think to further answer your question, you have to look really big picture first into how you interpret the world, and I want to share a couple of stories from my career that I hope will upend that for some people. So first being, you know I hunted terrorists with special operations in the Middle East, and I remember like a lot of my informants were actually terrorists themselves, so they were car bomb makers. I had evidence that they had killed other Americans or innocent Iraqis and they like I'm a very nice, kind, generous person, but I have an alter ego that, when it comes to protecting life, like I flip that switch and I become Deadpool and it's like a game to me, like I'm going to win, okay, because you're trying to kill people yeah Right.
16:40
But? But the reality was that part of the work involves relationship building. So you know, there's an old saying called like three cups of chai, so you never talk business. The first three meetings, it's all getting to know the person and I'm trying to figure out what motivates you as an individual so I can manipulate you. Basically, and there was one informant I had who was a car bomb maker. He had killed Americans and I found myself talking to him and I was like if this guy had been born in any other country, he'd probably be in a vehicle like a car engineer. Like he was brilliant, he was super smart, he had the crappy luck of being born in Iraq and he had to put food on the table for his family and kids. So he partnered with Al Qaeda to make car bonds and get paid for that.
17:29
So, first of all, so often in America we forget the abundance that we live in just by being American. And the same thing applies to. I went to high school for a little bit overseas, because my dad was in the military and there was a German guy. So he was German, american in my high school and I was like why would you not stay in school in Germany. Well, at the time, german high school was set up in a system where, I think it was junior high they decided if you were going to be white collar or blue collar, and they had two different educational systems. And I was like that's not fair. Like what if you're a late bloomer? You know what if you're just not like, are you kidding me? And so he was going to this American school, because the American school system had infinite opportunities where you could do whatever you wanted. And so, for you know, if you're American listening to this like congratulations, you won the lottery to be born American.
18:27
And this is the country where you can literally come here with zero and become anything you want. You can be a billionaire. It's happened, and so I think that mindset is really important in helping you shift your perspective on what you're able to create.
Brad Nelson Host
18:46
Yeah.
Alani Blankhead Guest
18:46
And so from there now the question is what do you want to create, like, what does your soul want to create? Because you can monetize it, because it's America, you can do that. You're only limited by your creativity. And so to your point. So many people are focused on what society says I should do and oh, debt is normal. I'm with you where I got to a point where so for me, I had a family member say $30,000 in debt is normal for Americans and I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then I found myself in 16,000 consumer debt. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then I found myself in 16,000 consumer debt and I was like this does not feel good. I don't know what the right answer is, but I know this isn't it.
Brad Nelson Host
19:25
Right.
Alani Blankhead Guest
19:26
And now we're millionaires. My husband and I are millionaires because we did very simple things investing in the market, saving, creating more income, like things that anybody can do but the core root is you have to remove the belief that you aren't worthy or capable of creating that change.
Brad Nelson Host
19:44
Yeah, yeah. It is fascinating Just the perspective you bring of just that simple thought of like here in the United States we get so much in this tunnel vision of not having these opportunities out there. Can you talk a little bit about the social influence of imposter syndrome, because it's not only what's happening in our heads that's keeping us stuck, but what's also happening on the outside circles that we've formed, whether it be on social media or in our friends circle, our family, the co-workers that we hang out with. How important is it to align yourself with other people that have some I guess maybe not the same beliefs, because I feel like there is some value of surrounding yourself with people with different beliefs to get some different perspectives, but at the same time, I guess maybe it's getting away from the negative beliefs. How important is that in this process of going from these limiting beliefs, this imposter syndrome, to success?
Alani Blankhead Guest
20:39
I love that question because, especially with social media, we all know everybody puts their best days and their best pictures on TikTok or Instagram or whatever it might be, but you cannot compare people's outsides with your insides. And so remember, statistically and this isn't just one study, it's 60 plus studies over the last five decades have demonstrated that 70% of people on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook are all experiencing imposter syndrome. It's gotten to the point with imposter syndrome where there are a lot of conversations now about maybe it's just part of the human condition. We don't have to name it this other thing, because everybody has it.
21:20
Yeah right, and so remembering that, no, that person suffers with their own version of imposter syndrome and not feeling worthy, and I can't compare what's going on in my head with what they're actually showing the rest of the world. And so, in terms of who you surround yourself with, I do love that quote of you are the average of the people you spend time with.
Brad Nelson Host
21:42
Right.
Alani Blankhead Guest
21:43
One thing I always struggled with professionally was my fitness, because being a person that's of service, which most people with imposter syndrome are. Most people want to be of service. They want to support their communities and their families, and that is a beautiful thing. They want to support their communities and their families, and that is a beautiful thing. The downside of being of service is that if you give and give and give and you don't replenish, then you end up depleted and burned out and bitter and then you're like I don't know why. I did the right thing.
22:11
I was living my community, so fitness was always something that, because I worked child sex crimes cases or terrorism we would get 2am phone calls and so it was very easy for me to say I'm not going to the gym today because I'm working 90 hours a week, right. But I spent time with people who were very fit and I literally would be like how how do you wake up at 4am to go to the gym? And they're like I just do it. I'm like, but explain to me like what happened? And so I would literally be picking their brains and I had accountability mechanisms. Where my husband is one of those people. He's a 4am wake up. It's like his church, the gym, and it was years of me saying I need you to drag me to the gym. And now it's a habit for me, like now, when he doesn't feel like going, I go.
23:00
Because I recognize now that what was stopping me was me saying I'm not worth having a healthy body, because I have to sacrifice everything, including my physical wellbeing, to serve kids who are being abused or, you know, share this imposter syndrome message. But the reality was that I burned out a couple of times professionally in the like, crashed and burned in the worst way, like I was drinking too much alcohol. My mental health was garbage. I was diagnosed with PTSD because I wasn't seeing myself as worthy enough to just go to the gym or go for a walk or hydrate.
23:38
So imposter syndrome like really does get into every element of your life. I have clients who have tried to kill themselves because their imposter syndrome was like you're not worthy, you're a piece of garbage, you're not good enough, you have no value. But now, on the other side of it, one of the tools that helps heal it is turning that pain into purpose. So me sitting here telling you all my dirty secrets about my over-drinking and not taking care of myself and all my consumer debt and all that stuff. I'm glad I went through that now, because if that encourages somebody to see like that's me, like I'm a hot mess right now and she got out of it, she and her husband are millionaires now Like I can do this too. I think so.
Brad NelsonHost
24:22
Yeah, absolutely, it's so true. Once I realized like I don't have to be that model or whatever, that, whatever that person is in my head, that imposter was telling me that I had to be. As soon as I realized I didn't have to be, that, it was amazing how much more helpful I became and how many more people I was able to help.
Alani Blankhead Guest
24:40
So I'm super curious, yeah, when was?
Brad Nelson Host
24:46
that moment that you had that realization. Oh man, like can I pinpoint when it was?
Alani Blankhead Guest
24:52
Or maybe a general time Like when did you feel like the switch flipped for you?
Brad Nelson Host
24:57
Well, I started out very small in this business and started helping just a few people here and there. And I think once I got like a few people, like some good results, I was like I can actually, I can actually do this Right. But then there was the whole imposter syndrome of well, brad, you, you can't lose your full-time income from your normal J-O-B to go out and do this. And so then that's where financial freedom came into place, and being debt-free because by working on my finances, getting out of debt, it took away another excuse from that imposter of saying I couldn't do it because of my income. I no longer needed nearly as much income to survive. I could take back and reduce my income and still be okay and go out and take more risks.
25:38
So it was like the more I fought against the imposter, the more I took action, the more results I got, the more confidence I got to stand up to them and say no, no, no, you're wrong. So and that's a good question for you is you're riddled by fear. You're just stuck because this person is telling you you're not good enough. This is what we teach inside our membership site. This is what I share with so many people. It's not the big giant steps we're looking for, especially right away. We're just what are the little things that we can do Because that builds that confidence. Can you share how important of a role that is to kind of fight back this person? That's keeping it down.
Alani Blankhead Guest
26:14
Yeah, that's a really fantastic point, because what your imposter syndrome is doing is, it's actually projecting the end result. So for you, your soul is telling you like you could make this into a business, like you could inspire a lot of people and feed your family, like amazing, yeah, crazy.
26:32
But, all your inner imposter sees is that end result. But how are you going to get there? That's a hundred steps down the road and you see how big it is. But to your point, you started small and you served the person in front of you powerfully, and then the feedback you got was oh my gosh, this really helped me. And then you helped the next person. And then you got feedback that said this really helped me. And then the feedback you got was oh my gosh, this really helped me. And then you helped the next person. And then you got feedback that said this really helped me. And then the next person. And then you were like oh, I think I actually have evidence that my theory is correct, that I can help people and I can get paid to do this very important work.
27:08
So what you're talking about is what I call it's the 1% rule of every day. I just need to be 1% better. So it doesn't matter if it's like with my private imposter syndrome. Clients like I send them an intake email with all these forms and exercises for them to start working on, but every time I send one out, I try to make the form a little bit better or I try to make the process a little bit more fun or easier, and it only takes me 10 or 15 minutes to make a form better, right? So, like on my last intake form, I added a how do you prefer to read books? Because sometimes I send books to clients but are they an audio book person? Are they a Kindle person? It took me 10 minutes and now I get information when I'm like I have the perfect book.
27:55
I can surprise that client and they're like, oh my gosh, you sent me this book and like that's so generous, which is who I am and you sent it in a way that I receive it, that I will best understand it. And so it's those little moments of connection, those little adjustments that you can make and, as you do, your 1%. Before you know it, you have an amazing podcast and you're inspiring all these people all over the globe and you've proven your imposter wrong, which actually is. Another important tool is when you're in that stuck. Victim mode is first, you have to remember what you've overcome in the past, and when you're in victim mode, you have tunnel vision because you're in self-preservation mode, so you forget about all the things that you've succeeded in in the past. And I'll give you a really silly example of mine. So I do a lot of child enticement operations, so it's like the to catch a predator operations that you see on TV operations.
28:56
So it's like the to catch a predator operations on TV. I've literally done dozens and I've been successful every time, all over the world, with different teams. And yet for two to three days before every operation I want to throw up. I'm in the fetal position. I literally will have conversations with myself where I'm like I'm the boss, I can cancel this operation because I'm the boss and you know. But then of course, I'm like oh, but we spent months planning and it's going to happen eventually.
29:21
And then I get curious. So curiosity is the mechanism that flips the switch for a lot of people is when else have I felt this way and what ended up being the result? And then, and then I would think back and I'm like oh my gosh, alana, you're being so ridiculous because literally every operation for the last 20 years you've been successful. And then that also for me, I have to engage in spiritual practices, and so everybody has to define this for themselves. But one of the ways that I ask people about their spirituality is so for you. You know, if I tell you, over the last four years I have facilitated the arrest of more than 120 child sex predators and traffickers. Do you think that I stopped other kids from being sexually abused. Yes or no?
Announcer Announcement
30:13
Yeah.
Alani Blankhead Guest
30:14
Yeah, okay that I stopped other kids from being sexually abused. Yes or no? Yeah, yeah, okay, but what evidence do you have to prove that? None, technically Right, so you don't have evidence. But you know in your bones that I stopped the abuse of future kids. That's a form of spirituality.
30:32
Yeah the abuse of future kids. That's a form of spirituality. So you have to be able to imagine you as the visionary, what future you want to create, and then you have to harness your spiritual practices to get there. So, pre-op for me it's I have a playlist of songs that I play for me, songs and music.
30:51
I don't know how certain artists have a way of putting words and lyrics together that perfectly express what I'm experiencing. Like I don't have the words, but I can lean on those words to like get me encouraged and inspired. The same thing goes for I am a spiritual practitioner of, like Christianity. So I have to go back to my scriptural truth and this could this is going to be different for everybody, but for me it's. I have to remember like, okay, the like higher power that I believe in has told me that it is when I'm weakest that God can do the best work through me, and I'm feeling really weak right now. So you better be doing something magical, and the evidence in my life has been that every time I submit to that process, the magic does come.
31:43
It doesn't mean it's easy. There have been plenty of arguments and fights and I've gotten into drag out fights with prosecutors and I've had judges tell me all kinds of horrific things. It's not easy but it's worth the fight and I think to your point with the financial journey. Having financial independence, being out of debt, has given me the freedom to speak hard truths to people in the justice system, to say your behavior is not okay. You either shape up or get off my team or, I'm sorry, judge, child sex abuse material is not a victimless crime and let me teach you why it's not. And they can fire me and I would be fine because financially we have set, we've done all the right things so that we would be okay.
Brad Nelson Host
32:29
Right, yeah, and that's why I think it's it's such an important topic, because you know, when you start talking about your career, your salary, what you make, I think people are less willing to speak up because, from a financial standpoint, they are at risk. If I lose my job, man, I got these credit card bills, I got these car payments, I got to make, I got a mortgage, I got to feed my kids. You know I'm not going to have any money, but by getting yourself out of debt, you again give yourself that platform to step up on and fight against that imposter that's keeping you there. It's so much fun to talk to you because I again I struggle with. Some of the stuff that you've talked about is like I get ready to do a workshop that I've done hundreds of times and that day I'll still be a nervous wreck, you know, but it is. It's going back to that proof of progress and can you talk about that?
33:10
To Tracking your expenses is something that we talk about all the time, because most people have no idea what's going on in their bank account, where they're spending their money. How important is going back and looking at your history of your success and the things that you've done. Is there anything that you recommend for that, like we give our members like trackers, savings trackers, debt payoff trackers, like things that they can look back on, because there are going to be those moments where life is not going well and something happened, you got sick, you lost income, whatever, and all of a sudden you feel like man, nothing I do ever works and you do. You get that tunnel of vision and you forget about all the progress that you've made up to that point. What do you recommend to people to have something physically that they can to look at? Do you recommend anything like that, tools or anything that you've used?
Alani Blankhead Guest
33:53
Absolutely. I do also have a lot of tools that I use in my practice. If your audience is interested, they can DM me. Wheel of life exercise. So I have a wheel of life exercise. It's very simple, you can even Google it and find one online, but it helps you evaluate the 10 areas of your life, which is, you know, fitness, family work, intimacy, relationships, like whatever areas that you want to improve in, on a scale of one to 10. So one is like it's terrible, 10 is awesome. So every client I work with, this is one of the exercises they do and it cracks me up every time because I have different packages. So let's say they do a 12 session package. By the time we're done, we do that exercise again and I'm showing them. I'm like oh, three months ago you said you were a two on finances and now you're an eight and we didn't even talk about finances Because imposter syndrome, like we know when it what?
34:55
If it affects one thing in your life, it affects all things in your life and so when you elevate one aspect of your life, you elevate all elements of your life and all of those clients a hundred percent of them are like I said what three months ago, like there's no way. And and again, this goes hand in hand with your typical listeners probably a very high achiever and so the way I describe what's happening in this particular phenomenon is it's like the gym, where the first time you go to the gym, it's awful, it's like scary and you don't know what you're doing, and it's really hard and it's painful. But when you've been going to the gym for years, it's still painful, it's still hard.
35:34
You just get better and stronger at it yeah and so, having that data to quantify your improvement, you're going to realize like, oh, my brain lies to me all the time about how well I'm doing. But thankfully, because I took the time, the five minutes, to do this wheel of life exercise three months ago and I did it again, I can see that I've actually improved. And now I get to decide am I going to celebrate this improvement or am I going to beat myself up because I'm not perfect?
Brad Nelson Host
36:05
right, yeah, it's so good. And so, if you're listening out there, tracking is so important and again and across so many areas of your life, and if the the more we do and again, I struggle with it too it's easy just to not do it, but it is so powerful when you actually do do it. So, alani, I got one more question for you and, like you said, you've been in debt, got yourself out of debt. Now you're millionaires. If you had to give one piece of financial advice or one suggestion to anybody out there, that's made, I think, the biggest difference for you with your finances and really your overall quality of life when it comes to managing your money. What would you say to that person?
Alani Blankhead Guest
36:40
I would say going back to that spiritual practice and I was just talking to a client about this earlier today. So the idea of compound interest is such a perfect example because the theory is, if you put a little bit of money in your account every month, you're going to see it go up a little bit, but then, like 20 years in, you're going to see it skyrocket. And it's a theory and even if you have faith that it's true until you see that skyrocket, until you get to that really like inverted part of that graph and you experience it, then you're like, oh my gosh, this is real, oh my gosh. Like I literally followed the very simple steps that these guys tell me to do and it actually worked.
37:27
We do multiple family meetings a year to talk about our financial goals and we track progress every month. So on the first of every month I'm pulling all the numbers. But the first time we made like $20,000 in a month just from investments, I was like we made 20. We made more than we make in our W2s sleeping. For someone who's just starting on the journey, it really is that simple. The tools to becoming a millionaire are so easy. You just have to decide that you're worthy of being a millionaire and that you're going to trust the process and work on that spiritual side that says, if I do this, I'm going to get that X result. So that's my tip.
Brad Nelson Host
38:12
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Alani. Where can people learn more about you?
Alani Blankhead Guest
38:16
Yeah, my website is wwwmightysparrowcoachingcom. I'm also on LinkedIn is my favorite, but I'm on Instagram and Facebook also at Mighty Sparrow Coaching.
Brad Nelson Host
38:27
Wow, super cool, awesome resources. Well, thank you so much for being here. Probably you know in the last five years that I've been doing this podcast. Maybe the one is one of the coolest guests we've ever had.
Alani Blankhead Guest
38:38
Oh, thank you so much. Well, thank you so much for your important work. Like spreading that financial message is, it's not just about the money, it's about creating the impact right and living your life purpose. And so I'm going gonna leave it with you guys in terms of just reminding you that when your imposter comes up means you're on the right track. You just have to learn how to harness it to work for you I love it.
Brad Nelson Host
39:02
Alani, thank you so much for your time. I really, really appreciate you thank you so much.
Alani Blankhead Guest
39:06
You guys are amazing all right guys.
Brad Nelson Host
39:08
So, as I said at the beginning of the show, if you want to pay off debt, you want to save more money, want to end financial stress, you want to reduce paycheck to paycheck living and its effect on your life and you want to take better control of your finances, all you have to do is head over to Defridadcom, click on the green button at the top of the page and I'm going to show you in this amazing quick video how we can get you better results in just the next 30 to 60 days, and you're absolutely going Tune into Dad, freak Dad.
Brad Nelson Host
39:56
Dad, freak Dad, all right guys. That sound means it's time for the celebrations of the show, and today we are kicking it off with Stacey. Stacey says we have been diligent about cooking at home. Restaurants were a huge budget buster for us, stacey. I bet all of us listening this can relate to that man, eating out is expensive and is also so hard to control it because it's so easy just to kind of go out and be lazy and not cook at home. So a great win. Congratulations to you. Keep up the great work.
40:29
Christina is up next. I've said it before, but tracking everything she says. I know I slipped up for a bit there, but getting back on track and knowing where my money is going again has been helping my current situation. Christina, I can't agree more. Tracking is such an important thing to change behaviors, to know where you're at, but it's something that we often overlook. So hey, if you're listening to this, start tracking where your money's going. Track your expenses. You will be surprised at what you learn about your financial situation. Last but not least, today, lisa, I saved up and I paid cash for my auto inspection of $174 and four new tires, you guys, for the amount of $1,100.
41:10
Lisa, proving it that budgeting and creating a habit of saving can keep your butts out of debt. Lisa, awesome win. Congratulations to you. Hey guys, as always, congratulations to all of you guys who are taking a stand for your financial life and are wanting better. Hey, we get that. Getting out of debt isn't easy, but with our help and hopefully with your hard work, consistency and discipline, we promise you guys, this will be some of the best work that you do in your entire lives. Thanks for joining us on today's show and we will see you guys on the next episode. Take care.
Announcer Announcement
41:48
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