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Episode: 290 - Practical Tips for Couples to Navigate Financial Disagreements

Managing money can be a major source of tension in relationships, but it doesn't have to be. By using effective communication and setting clear goals, couples can turn financial discussions from a stress point into an opportunity to strengthen their relationship and build a united vision for the future. 

 

 

Identifying Shared Values and Goals 

Start by discussing the type of life you both envision and the values that shape it. Often, it’s not just about the things you want but the experiences or feelings they represent, such as quality time together or a sense of achievement. Defining these priorities can help align your financial choices with what truly matters to both of you. 

Reviewing Spending and Setting Financial Goals 

Before creating a budget, look over your spending from the last few months. Understanding where your money goes can reveal whether your current spending aligns with your shared goals. Adjustments can then be made to support your mutual vision. 

Making Compromises Without Sacrifice 

Compromise doesn’t mean always taking turns or making direct swaps. Instead, try to prioritize by what’s important now versus what can wait. For example, if one partner is focused on furthering their education, set a timeline that also leaves room for other goals, like a large purchase, down the road. Planning in this way helps to reduce stress and avoid feeling deprived. 

Establishing Regular Financial Check-ins 

To keep finances on track, schedule a monthly “money date” to discuss updates and plan for the month ahead. Start with life events and needs, then move into the financial aspects. This can make the conversation feel more natural and less about numbers and spreadsheets. 

Fostering Honest Communication 

Money touches on personal beliefs and emotions, so it’s important to discuss past challenges and stay open to working together toward solutions. Choosing a relaxed setting, like a walk or drive, can help create a neutral space for open conversations about finances. 

Engaging the Less Involved Partner 

If one partner is less invested in financial planning, the more engaged partner could take the lead temporarily, showing the benefits of stability and reduced stress over time. This approach can make it easier for the other partner to see the positive impacts and potentially get more involved. 

Teaching Financial Responsibility to Kids 

Setting a positive example is an important part of teaching financial values to children. Instead of saying “we can’t afford it,” try phrases like “that’s not a priority right now” to help them understand financial choices in a way that fosters a healthy view of money. 

By using these tips, couples can work toward financial unity and create a strong foundation for their future. Achieving financial wellness takes time, patience, and partnership, but it’s a rewarding journey that leads to a happier, more secure life together. 

Final Note 

Brad reminds listeners that consistency and discipline are essential for financial success. Debt Free Dad offers resources to help couples reduce debt and save money, making financial planning one of the most rewarding investments in a relationship. Check out more at debtfreedad.com. 

 

Resources Mentioned

Connect with Darla:  https://darlabishop.com/ 

Get better results with your finances in 30-60 days - GUARANTEED. Watch this video to learn how! - https://www.debtfreedad.com/payoff-debt-in-60-to-90-days 

Free Tools and Downloads at www.debtfreedad.com

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Transcript:

Brad Nelson, Host
00:00
So financial disagreements are one of the leading sources of stress in relationships, but hey, they don't have to be so. In today's episode, we're going to be diving into some ways for couples to overcome financial disagreements with Darla Bishop. Now, whether it's conflicting spending habits, differing financial goals, or just the challenge of staying on the same page, Darla's expert insights will help you and your partner turn money from a source of tension into a tool for building a stronger, more united future. Stay tuned.

Announcer, Announcement
00:32
You're listening to the Debt-Free Dad Podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks, and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Brad Nelson, Host
01:04
Hey guys, I'm Brad Nelson, founder of Debt Free Dad. Welcome to today's show. I paid off about $45,000 in debt, have been debt-free now for more than 11 years, outside of my mortgage. I've also been fortunate to help thousands of other people save and pay off tens of millions of dollars with the work that we do here at Debt Free Dad. Now, after listening to this episode, if you are ready to take your finances a step further, you're ready to start taking action. You're ready to start feeling less financial stress. You want to save more money, you want to get out of debt, and, seriously, guys, we can show you how to do that and start seeing some amazing results in just as little as 30 to 60 days. We're going to be sharing an awesome resource on how you get started with that later on in today's show.

01:50
So hi Darla, Welcome to the Debt-Free Dad podcast, so glad that you are joining us here today. Thank you for having me. I can't wait to talk to you about this really important topic. Yes, absolutely. So, can you share quickly, Darla, how you even got into this line of work, very similar to what we do here at Debt Free Dad, helping people with their personal finances? Where did this begin with you?

Darla Bishop, Guest
02:03
It began when I realized, probably as a young teenager, that my life would be a lot easier if we just had a little more money. The adults in my life were actually doing really good, were very good stewards of what they had. They just didn't have enough. And when I went to college, I was blessed to have a full scholarship from the Gates Millennium Scholarship Program. Wow, although I was fully intending, I really thought I was going to have to work my way through college. This scholarship gave me a whole new world. It meant that I could choose to work or not, or I could work just a little bit to have pocket money, versus expecting to be working to pay for books and tuition.

Darla Bishop, Guest
02:03
And so, with that extra time I found, I started reading books about money. I had a classmate who drove a Range Rover, and his parents somehow got him special permission to get a staff parking pass, which was not allowed. There were no student passes on our campus, but this student, through whatever means his parents were able to provide to the university, worked out a parking pass so that his Range Rover could park right outside of our dorm. Luckily, this person is a dear, wonderful person, and his parents raised him so well. But I remember thinking, if I could get here, and this dude with the Range Rover is here, I'm smart enough to figure out the money part. So, I started reading all the money books I could find on campus. Over the last 15, 20 years, I've read more than a hundred books, and part of it was that I was so frustrated by some of the things that were missing in those books. Very few told me, as someone with little context, what to do with the money once I had some.

04:12
The other piece that really used to "burn my biscuits" is that here I am, either buying the book or borrowing it from the library, and one of the first things I’d read would say, "You're in a bad financial situation because you're dumb, you're stupid, and you have poor self-control." And I'd think, "Wait, hold up! That’s not who I am." Later, I'd read in the book that the only way to get ahead was to tell family and friends "no," and not help anyone. That was not realistic for me. I needed to balance stabilizing myself while also helping my mom and siblings when they needed it. So I wrote the book I needed, and it was easy to write because I had become the go-to person in my family and friend circle for financial advice. Eventually, I turned my coaching system into my book How to Afford Everything.

Brad Nelson, Host
05:21
Yeah, very cool. So, over the years, how many people have you been able to help with their finances, and what does that look like?

Darla Bishop, Guest
05:27
In a formal coaching setting, probably about 20. But between advice and workshops, it's hundreds. I’m a college professor, so I'm always offering free money workshops because learning about money at that stage in my life probably helped change the trajectory of my life. You can reach someone who’s broke now but will have money later and help them build good habits early on. That can set them up for a brighter financial future.

Brad Nelson, Host
06:10
Absolutely, couldn’t agree more. It’s one of the things we're passionate about here at Debt Free Dad. And I'm glad to have you on here to talk about what can be a tough topic for couples. You mentioned how you were raised with money, and in relationships, we often merge two financial backgrounds that aren’t always the same. A lot of disagreements and differing mindsets can happen. You’ll share some great tips today, but from a basic level, even before marriage or serious commitments, where do couples start in navigating these complex and often emotional conversations?

Darla Bishop, Guest
07:07
Well, we don't always realize that we're having money conversations all the time, even if we don’t label them as such. Anytime you’re deciding how you’ll date, what types of things you’ll do together, how much it costs—those are all money conversations. When you’re planning a trip or discussing future dreams, like what kind of house or how many kids, those are money conversations. You’re sharing your desires, values, and priorities. Once you're ready to have a more explicit money conversation, you can start aligning your finances with those shared goals.

Brad Nelson, Host
08:07
And how do people get there? Over nearly a decade of helping people, I’ve seen many couples who have dreams and aspirations but lack a clear plan. What’s your advice to couples at the starting point of aligning their finances with the life they envision?

Darla Bishop, Guest
08:36
It's twofold. First, clarify the values behind the lifestyle you want. What does that lifestyle mean, and why is it important? Sometimes, it’s less about the item itself and more about what it represents. For example, if someone wants a boat, ask why. Is it because they feel most at peace on the lake, surrounded by loved ones? Maybe we can create that experience without the boat, or maybe the boat is worth planning for if it adds that much value to life.

Brad Nelson, Host
09:44
You mentioned an excellent example like a boat, which is a big purchase. But the word "compromise" comes to mind—how do we avoid resentment in these decisions? How do we serve each other and come to a balanced agreement without it becoming a tit-for-tat scenario?

Darla Bishop, Guest
10:49
Yes, compromise is often thought of as "this or that," when it can instead be a matter of "what comes first, then next." In my own marriage, I wanted to go back to grad school, which could mean a pay cut or added debt. So, instead of saying, "If you go to school, we can't get a boat," it became, "Okay, you go to school now, and once you’re working in a higher-paying job, then we put the boat in the budget."

Brad Nelson, Host
12:01
I love that. It reframes the conversation. Now, just to backtrack a bit, money is emotional for most people. Many couples haven’t had any formal financial education, either before or after marriage. So, when starting these conversations, how do couples keep emotions in check, especially with financial stress affecting so many people?

Darla Bishop, Guest
13:08
You actually don’t need to keep emotions out of it because, in reality, money isn’t math. Money is emotional and personal. Be open with your partner about how your upbringing has shaped your relationship with money. Practice is key because avoiding these conversations doesn’t solve anything.

13:47
Another simple strategy is to think about where and how you have your best conversations. The car, for example, is an excellent setting because you’re close, moving forward, and not looking at each other directly, which reduces pressure. Similarly, going for a walk can make hard conversations feel more manageable.

Brad Nelson, Host
15:56
Those are great tips! I think where a lot of couples struggle is consistency. They talk about finances after a crisis, but then it falls off as time passes. Do you have any advice for keeping these conversations consistent?

Darla Bishop, Guest
16:58
I recommend a monthly "date night" dedicated to talking about finances and planning ahead, starting with your life first and then adding the money part. Look at your calendar and ask what’s coming up that will need time and money. Focusing on life first and finances second can make it feel less overwhelming.

Brad Nelson, Host
18:06
Great advice. What about couples where one partner is fully on board, but the other is hesitant? Often, one person wants security and a plan, while the other has a more "YOLO" mindset. How do you get both partners engaged?

Darla Bishop, Guest
18:57
You make it easy for the less-engaged partner. The person who wants the change may have to take the lead for a while. Suggest a trial period, like, "Let me take charge for six months, and you can observe everything. If things don’t improve, we’ll adjust."

Brad Nelson, Host
20:23
Those are great tips. And having a third party, like a book or podcast, can take the pressure off, making it less about one partner’s opinion.

Darla Bishop, Guest
20:55
Exactly. It’s not just about the relationship with each other but also each partner’s relationship with money, and the relationship you build as a couple with money.

Brad Nelson, Host
21:23
Yes, and it’s bigger than just the couple, especially if there are kids involved. Many kids aren’t receiving financial education in school, so as parents, how do we start passing down positive money habits?

Darla Bishop, Guest
22:08
Pay attention to how you talk about money in front of your kids. When they ask for something, explain why it’s not in the budget right now, or say, "That’s not what we’re here for." It’s a gentle "no" that teaches priorities without negativity.

Brad Nelson, Host
22:31
What might be an example of a negative financial mindset?

Darla Bishop, Guest
22:42
For instance, my daughter recently asked for a unicorn plushie because her friend had one. I explained that it wasn’t our priority that day. Framing it this way avoids making money sound scarce or stressful and instead sets clear boundaries.

23:57
Kids absorb everything, so even if you think they’re not listening, they are. If you’ve been short-tempered about money, it’s okay to go back and say, "I was frustrated, but it’s not something for you to worry about."

Brad Nelson, Host
24:12
That’s excellent advice. For me, becoming debt-free was partly driven by wanting to be a positive example for my kids. So, Darla, thank you for all these fantastic tips. Can you share where listeners can find more of your resources?

Darla Bishop, Guest
25:04
Yes! My website, howtoaffordeverything.com, has tons of freebies because I believe in a community where everyone can succeed financially. Knowledge is power, and everything is figure-outable.

Brad Nelson, Host
25:37
Thank you for spending time with us and sharing all these insights.

Darla Bishop, Guest
25:41
Thank you!

Brad Nelson, Host
25:43
All right, everyone! If you want to pay off more debt, save more, and get control over your finances, head over to DebtFreeDad.com, click on the green button at the top of the page, and we’ll help you get started.

Darla Bishop, Guest
26:03
Let’s talk about all the good things, all the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about debt. Tune into Debt Free Dad.

Brad Nelson, Host
26:26
All right, that sound means it’s time for our celebration segment! Today, we’re kicking it off with Aaron, who just got a raise. Despite PTO adjustments, Aaron’s budget wasn’t affected much—two wins in one! Next up is Mary, who’s hanging in there, which is sometimes all we can do. And finally, Bonnie made huge strides, including paying off several debts and building her emergency fund.

27:45
Bonnie also shared that her husband joined her on her quest to be debt-free. Huge congratulations, Bonnie, and everyone in the Debt Free Dad community who is working hard on their financial journey. We know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it!

Announcer, Announcement
29:05
Thanks for listening to the Debt-Free Dad Podcast. Connect with us on Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram by searching Debt-Free Dad. For resources, show notes, and links mentioned, visit DebtFreeDad.com. Catch you next week!

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