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Episode: 280 - Conquering Financial Anxiety with Financial Therapist Lindsey Konchar

Are financial anxiety and stress overwhelming you? If so, you're certainly not alone. Many individuals grapple with the challenges of managing money, but there is hope—assistance is readily available. In a recent episode of the Debt-Free Dad podcast, host Brad Nelson interviewed Lindsey Konchar, an experienced financial therapist. During their conversation, they discussed strategies for overcoming debt, improving mental health, and cultivating a healthier relationship with money. Below is a detailed summary of their enlightening discussion.

 

 

 Understanding Financial Anxiety

Financial anxiety is a prevalent issue and one of the leading causes of stress in the United States. Lindsey points out that financial stress not only impacts mental health but also contributes to physical health problems. For many, financial difficulties stem from a lack of understanding about how to manage money effectively. The pursuit of short-term gratification through spending often leads to deeper financial troubles.

Social media plays a significant role in exacerbating these issues by encouraging unhealthy comparisons. Seeing others' curated lifestyles can foster feelings of inadequacy and trigger impulsive spending. Recognizing this influence is crucial in making more thoughtful financial decisions.

The Path to Financial Improvement

Communication and Compromise in Relationships

Lindsey emphasizes that open communication and compromise are essential in relationships where partners have differing approaches to finances. Often, one partner may fear that financial restrictions will limit their freedom and enjoyment of life. To address this, Lindsey recommends the following:

  • Understanding Priorities: Align spending with shared goals, ensuring that financial decisions contribute to the couple’s progress as a team.
  • Separate Discretionary Accounts: Each partner should maintain their own discretionary account for personal spending. This allows guilt-free spending and helps avoid conflicts over individual purchases.

Teaching Kids About Money

Teaching children about finances from an early age is crucial, as money habits are generally established by age 10. Lindsey suggests involving children in financial discussions and decisions, which can empower them and instill a sense of responsibility. This approach helps them learn the value of money and the importance of wise spending and saving.

The Role of Emotions in Financial Decisions

Lindsey advises that instead of trying to suppress emotions related to financial decisions, it can be more effective to understand and work through them. Recognizing why you spend money and the emotions you seek through spending can help you make more rational decisions. By acknowledging spending as a coping mechanism, you can better manage both your emotions and your finances.

Setting Intentional Goals

Clear and specific financial goals are key to guiding spending habits and avoiding impulsive purchases. For instance, Lindsey shared that during a Black Friday sale, she chose to save for a family trip to Portugal rather than purchase a sweater. This example highlights how visualizing the long-term benefits of saving can encourage more disciplined financial behavior.

Balancing the Present and Future

Finding the right balance between saving for the future and enjoying the present is critical. Lindsey uses investment calculators to illustrate to clients how small adjustments in saving and spending can significantly impact their future. She recommends adjusting contributions to investments seasonally to reflect current financial needs and goals. This flexible approach helps clients avoid feeling deprived while staying on track toward long-term financial stability.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

In light of rising inflation and the pervasive influence of social media, it’s essential to focus on aspects of your financial life that you can control. Lindsey encourages people to manage their media consumption and follow accounts that inspire rather than provoke feelings of inadequacy or fear. Being selective about the content you consume can significantly improve both your mental and financial well-being.

For those struggling with financial anxiety or in need of personalized guidance, Lindsey Konchar’s holistic approach to financial therapy may offer the support needed to regain control of both finances and mental health.

For additional tips on managing finances and reducing financial stress, follow Lindsey on Instagram and visit her website. Be sure to tune in to the Debt-Free Dad podcast for continuous advice and motivation.

With discipline, consistency, and hard work, financial freedom and a stress-free life are achievable.

Resources Mentioned

 Connect with Lindsey: www.copingwithlindsey.com/financial-therapy

Get better results with your finances in 30-60 days - GUARANTEED. Watch this video to learn how! - https://www.debtfreedad.com/payoff-debt-in-60-to-90-days 

Free Tools and Downloads at www.debtfreedad.com

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Transcript:

Brad Nelson:  

Are you feeling overwhelmed by financial anxiety and stress? Today, I'm excited to welcome Lindsay Conker to the podcast. Now Lindsay is here to share her expertise on dealing with the double whammy of debt, and also mental health and how to tackle unhealthy money mindsets head on. Now we're covering the strategies you need to take back control, break free from the guilt and the shame and make financial self-care a non-negotiable part of your life. Stay tuned.

Announcement:  

You're listening to the Debt-Free Dad podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Brad Nelson:  

Hey guys, I'm Brett Nelson, founder of Debt Free Dad. I paid off about $45,000 of debt, have been debt free now for more than 11 years. I've also been fortunate to help thousands of other people save and pay off tens of millions of dollars with the work that we do here at Debt Free Dad. Now, after listening to this episode, if you want to take your finances to the next level, you'd like to get better results in Syria as little as 30 to 60 days. No kidding, hey, I'll be sharing some details on how you can get started with that resource later on in today's show. So, hey, lindsay, welcome to the Debt-Free Dad podcast. So glad that you have joined us here today.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Thank you so much for having me. I am pumped to be chatting with you.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, absolutely so. Can you share quick? I know we were just chatting here right before we hit record I've been doing this 9, 10 years and obviously, as a coach, we often run into some other things when it comes to more underlying issues, where someone needs to seek out the help of a counselor or therapist or through some things that are going on in their life, and so can you share how you got into this? I always think I have a crazy story how I got into this, because I never planned on helping people with their finances, so I'd just be interested to see how you got into this.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Yeah, no. So about eight years just over eight years ago or so, my then boyfriend now husband and I were getting pretty serious. We were like six months in and I was. We were both kind of like, all right, I think you're my person, but we were very quickly noticing that he was much uh, he was very good at saving money and I was very good at spending money and I was like I think we just need to get on the same page about this kind of stuff, right? And his upbringing was entirely different than mine. I come from, you know, divorced parents and their primary reason for their split was money and they're constantly finding about it. So I had a really tumultuous relationship with money and so I was like let's get serious. So we actually started kind of our own financial wellness journey back then.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Fast forward five years ago I became a licensed therapist and that was always my path. I was going to help people and that was going to be the thing. But I still loved learning about money myself. I still loved reading the books and listening to the podcast, like doing it all. And so about a year and a half ago, I heard the term financial therapist while I was listening to an audio book completely unrelated to either field and I paused. The audio book went home, immediately Googled financial therapist and found out that I in fact qualify for the certification as a master's of social worker myself, and so we had the conversation. But I was like I think this is my niche, like I think this is me and I am it, and so I did the certification program and the rest is history.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, that is awesome. And how long have you been doing this?

Lindsey Konchar:  

So a year and a half I got the certification and then, shortly thereafter, I started taking clients.

Brad Nelson:  

Okay, cool, awesome. And I mean, as you know, I mean the statistics right now on stress and anxiety as it relates to finances is insane. It's the number one stressor in the United States 47% of people right now or at least adults say that money is negatively impacting their mental health. I mean, it's just crazy. I mean even from a physical standpoint. You know, we just had some statistics and some studies shared on our podcast where it says that you know, financial stressors are one of the number one causes of like physical ailments as well, over and above like things that you would think be more serious, like bereavement and all these other things. Finances run deep. So can you share a little bit about why this is? I mean, obviously we get you know with inflation, expenses are high and all of that kind of stuff, but why are we seeing this uptick even prior to inflation? You know finances have always been kind of this stressful thing. Why do you think most people struggle with this from a stress standpoint and how they manage their life?

Lindsey Konchar:  

I truly think so much of it boils down to not knowing how to spend your money. I think we are constantly chasing after this ideal of happiness and I have such a love-hate relationship with social media, but truly I think so much of the comparison-itis that people are feeling, seeing where everyone is traveling to and these highlight reels of life, and we're constantly spending money to keep up with not only the Joneses but the Kardashians and everyone else in the world, and so much of us chasing this high, this dopamine hit of spending money which is only actually bringing us, we know, short stints of happiness. It's not the. How we are spending our money on all these things is really not actually giving us the longevity of happiness that we really are hoping for.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, Well, and I think sometimes too, with social media, it can also give you this sense of just. You're always lacking. You're seeing, like you said, these highlight reels and what these other people are doing and some of you don't even know, and you're constantly going through this filter of, well, my life's not nearly as good as theirs and you can lose the powerful thing called gratitude in your life for what you actually have in the life that you're living. Right, Because you're constantly focused on just this. You're lacking. You know you don't have enough stuff or you're not going on the nicer trips or you don't drive a nice enough car. And I would agree, I think social media definitely plays a huge role, so that's interesting.

Brad Nelson:  

So, if you mentioned, you know you and your partner went on this journey and I had this question kind of for later on, but I'm gonna ask you right away because you brought it up and I think it's. I think it's important, but with so many of the people that I help, there's one of them that really wants to do it. The other one is dragging their feet. So I would be curious with you. I'm sure you've helped a lot of couples out and gone through this. You did it in your own life. It's like how do you, how do you get two people from two different walks of life, two different financial mindsets, two different experiences with money? How do we get them, in your opinion, in your expertise, on the same page? You can, you know, start figuring out like how we want to spend our money and how we want to live the life that we want to live, and have these unified goals and things like that.

Lindsey Konchar:  

One of the biggest things I see in couple work that I do is the one person who's kind of dragging their feet and is like the I don't want to do this. Like you know, that kind of thing is. It's often because they're scared that they are going to have to make such a big change in their life. They're going to start feeling deprived, restricted, they're going to have no fun, all of that kind of stuff. And the truth of the matter is that's not at all what I'm here doing. Right, that's not what you're here doing, that's not what we want. We need to really understand how the couple is prioritizing things in their life. And I can tell you, when your habits are out of alignment, when you're spending on different things and you're overspending, it's because your priorities are not situated in the way that is actually going to propel the couple forward together.

Lindsey Konchar:  

And I often tell my couples you know right out the gate, you two are in a partnership, so we need to have partner goals. If you have a family, you know children or other people that you care for. We also need to have familial goals, right? What do you want for your kid's future? All this type of thing, but also your individuals in that partnership too. And just as I value going on my girl's trips with my girlfriends as often as we possibly can go, my husband values going hunting and I want that for him and I want him to be able to spend on his duck decoys as many as his little heart desires without us fighting about it. And so I think really letting couples know like this is not about like oh, she's finally going to get her way or he's finally going to be you know, the power imbalance that I see with couples is often quite scary for some people and how we can actually get on the same page with what we want to prioritize. And that goes for money and it goes for time as well.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, yeah, those individual goals are. So I'm glad you brought those up, because when I'm working with people too, I realized the same thing. They're really good at kind of figuring out what they want together, but then it's like well, what about what you want? But what I find is couples will tend to nitpick at each other for the individual things that they want to do and I try to say it's like look you, you, you can let them have some of the things that they enjoy. I mean, those things are okay too. And we tend to forget, like it's okay that they're doing something within the budget or within your you know your cashflow, that's, you know you're putting money towards. That isn't your thing, but it's their thing. And that brings up this whole word of like, compromise, like what do you suggest to couples to come up with these better compromises? Because again, you do get these couples who are head to head about well, they're getting more than I am.

Lindsey Konchar:  

So how do you compromise in this? What I personally do in my practice is I suggest most couples and this isn't true for everyone I work individually with people and so we kind of tailor things to that. But I often say everything, all cash flow, goes into one joint account, right? That is where your family spending is happening, that's where your grocery spending having all that, but then I want each individual partner in that relationship to have their own checking accounts, and this is what I do in my relationship. Then we automate every two weeks a agreed upon amount into each of those individual checking accounts and then he is responsible for how he manages his money.

Lindsey Konchar:  

I'm responsible for how I manage my money and we have really clear, specific things that we're going to spend that money on. So, for example, for us this actually showed up when he's in corporate America. He has a nice little cafeteria at his office and he was going out to lunch all the time and I was like, well, me and the kids don't go out to lunch every single day and that would be crazy if we did so. If you want to do that, that's going to come out of your discretionary, shame-free spending account. That is yours. You get to decide how you. But then all of a sudden he was like, wait, this is my money. If I could be spending this on lunch, or I could be spending this on again, those duck decoys. I want those duck decoys way more. Right, and I couldn't.

Lindsey Konchar:  

I don't say a single thing about how he spends his discretionary spending. For me, then, same thing Like I bought a pair of $1,600 shoes and I came home and he just laughed at me. He was like what are you doing? And I was like don't even talk to me about my shoes, buddy. Right, Because it was out of my guilt-free discretionary spending. It didn't matter. And so that's how we and I tell couples too. It's a trial and error. You're not going to get it right necessarily on the first month. You're going to come up with that amount, whether it's 300 bucks every other week. That's what we're going to get, Great. Then evaluate that, Always, always, always, evaluate how things are going during one of your money dates and say okay, is that 300 too much? Is it not enough? How is that going for you? That's kind of what I suggest for couples.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, that's really good. Now, going back to what you had mentioned, you said you know you and your partner both came from a completely different financial background. Talk about your relationship with money and how it starts very early on as a child, and then I want to kind of piggyback on that with as parents. Now, what can we do to establish a really good, healthy financial relationship with our kids and getting them set up on the right foot?

Lindsey Konchar:  

Yeah, I love this question so you probably know. But I always tell people your money habits are established by the time you are 10 years old. There's actually two bodies of research on it, I'm sure you're familiar Age seven and age nine. I always tell people comfortably by the time you're 10. But I always remind people your habits can be changed and that is the beautiful thing about the work that we do is you can always change those habits.

Lindsey Konchar:  

And yet it is really important to know where you came from, because for me again, there was so much fighting around money and they would try something else and then they would fight about it and then you know they would agree to not spend on anything and then someone would buy dish towels and it would be like World War III happening in my house.

Lindsey Konchar:  

I also experienced and this is again unique to my own personal money story but when I was later in my adolescence I actually moved in with friends and their family was quite well off and I could feel the atmosphere be so much different. The energy in the house was so much more calm and I wasn't constantly walking on eggshells like, oh my gosh, if I spill my juice, is it going to turn into this whole thing, or like they were, just like we'll get it cleaned or we'll replace it, like who cares? And I was just like, whoa, that's, that's what money can do is. If you have money, you can actually just breathe. What's that like? And so that was a really bad. It was almost like my own version of Rich Dad, poor Dad, although I don't necessarily love that book.

Lindsey Konchar:  

But it truly was kind of like this oh my gosh, this is a totally different energy, and so I think that was really eye-opening for me then, and what I've kind of taken away for that and what I tell my couples that I work with and what we practice in our own household with kids, is one I want them to feel included in money decisions. I remember, you know, never feeling included as I was growing up and also even when my parents were going through divorce, nobody asked me where I wanted to live and how I wanted things right. I was living out of a suitcase and I remember thinking you two are the ones that are dissolving your marriage. Why don't you live out of a suitcase and I get to stay in the house, right? But nobody ever asked my opinion. And so now we do.

Lindsey Konchar:  

We hold family meetings and any important decisions we're going to make as a family. My kids, even though they're one and a half and three and a half, are going to be involved in those decisions, and we're starting this now, so when it really matters later on, my three and a half year old is like the cutest with the things that she has to say. Her input is like everyone's lovely, I'm like, okay, cool, but when it really matters when she is nine, 10, 11, 12, 16, whatever that they feel like they have a voice in how we make family decisions and that they feel empowered in some of that. And also we talk with our kids in the language of priorities. If we're saying no to a toy, if we're saying no to a princess dress, it's not because we're mean and again restricting them from anything. It's because we're prioritizing a vacation down to Texas to go see our in-laws and how fun that gets to be Right. And they're learning all that even as young as they are.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, that's really good and you're absolutely right. I think a lot of it comes from just taking advantage of those teachable moments and you know there's so many of them around when you're with your kids that you can have good, positive conversations about this stuff. And I think where parents struggle a lot at least with people that I've helped with is like how do I even be confident in what I'm teaching Because I don't even know how I'm doing this. So what would you suggest to me? I'd say I'm stressed, I'm in a relationship or not, but I'm feeling stressed, I'm anxious, I'm having a lot of these gross thoughts about money, trying to manage it, but at the same time I ignore it a lot. How do you go through and help someone in those situations and, kind of, I guess, take a lot of that emotion out of it to help them start getting better results?

Lindsey Konchar:  

You know I actually never try and take the emotion out of it. That's never kind of my goal, only because one I'm a therapist, so we're all up in the fields all the time. But I think money is emotional and in fact I encourage people to lean more into the emotions because I think that's actually how we can start understanding it. We are motivated by our emotions.

Lindsey Konchar:  

As we were talking about social media earlier, you're on social media because you're either feeling bored and you want entertainment, maybe you want a distraction, maybe you're just feeling exhausted from parenting all day and you just need a break, and so your reprieve is scrolling, fine. But what is it that you're trying to get out of that Right? And same thing goes with purchases. If I'm walking into Target and I'm like, oh, I want a Starbucks, that sounds good, what am I trying to feel? What am I trying to get out of that purchase Right In that moment?

Lindsey Konchar:  

Maybe I'm trying to feel satiated, or maybe I'm trying to bring a little bit of joy into, like, my really rough morning that I had with my crazy toddlers. I don't know, it depends. But I think actually leaning into that more and understanding why you're spending the way that you are what you're trying to feel is going to actually be the most helpful thing. We are constantly after that dopamine hit and that one click to buy option on Amazon is the fastest dopamine hit that a person can get out there Right. So really understanding what is that doing for you is super helpful.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, and that brings up kind of like impulse and wasteful spending. It's crazy. Shopify had some statistics that we shared on our podcast a while back and I was like they said like 40 to 80% of all purchases are made on impulse. Now, 50% of all grocery purchases are made on impulse. I think they estimated the average person will spend over $300,000 in their lifetime on just unplanned purchases. So do you have any like practical tips or anything that you share that because there's so many people that struggle with that? And again, like you mentioned the, they make it so easy to spend money. Number one or number two spend money you don't have by going into debt. Nowadays, I mean, it's just with a snap of a finger. Now, anything that you would put into place or anything, any practical strategies to help someone who is, you know, maybe coping with a lot of their stress or anxiety? They're looking for that dopamine hit to make themselves feel a little bit better. By the end of the day, it's also being very detrimental to their financial health.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Totally. I think the very first thing is again recognizing that spending money is a coping skill. To your point, it's like, if you're going to turn to the bottle, you're going to turn to really unhealthy junk food, or you're going to turn to money which, frankly, money touches all of those right Is definitely something to be aware of. And so what are you trying to cope with is number one. Number two I always talk about intentional, values-based spending, and so for me, it is so important to have your goals listed out. What is it that you want, again, in your partnership individually? What are you really trying to obtain here? And as you're meandering through Target, I call it the Target trap. It's like every mom's dream ever to just go without the kids and walk around Target and put whatever she wants in the cart, but, to your point, it's often the detriment to her finances, right, and so, if that's the kind of situation, lean into your goals. What is it that you are really wanting out of this life? You get one shot at it, and is this random pumpkin that's sitting on the shelf at Target aligned with the goals that you're actually trying to accomplish? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, probably not. Isn't, probably not. The best example of this that I have is just how powerful I think goals can be, especially when they're specific and clear. Those are the two things that I would highly recommend people get really specific on, and I am, admittedly, a Black Friday shopper. I love doing my Christmas spending on Black Friday and the night before Black Friday.

Lindsey Konchar:  

So Thanksgiving night last year my husband and I were talking about where is our next international trip. We'd been kind of like, we want to go, where are we going to go? But we didn't have specifics. And that night he said, okay, I think I'm down for Portugal, we're doing Portugal, and that was my choice. So I was like, yes, oh, my gosh, amazing. And so I'm like, okay, where are we going? What are we doing? Like all the things about Portugal, right. But I was so pumped.

Lindsey Konchar:  

The next morning I woke up for black Friday shopping and, as I'm meandering around, I see a sweater and I'm like, oh, that's cute, I'll throw that in my card and this and that. And I stopped for a second. I thought this sweater is 40 bucks on sale Pretty good. But I have like 13 other sweaters at home that I could wear to these three places. What if that $40 actually went towards a sangria at a little bistro table in a little courtyard in Portugal, my two kids running and I saw it.

Lindsey Konchar:  

I had like the whole feeling of what that was going to do. And it was so easy for me to put that sweater back because my bigger goal, the bigger thing that I wanted in life, was that international vacation with my family, not a stupid sweater that I didn't need. Right, and sometimes it will be the sweater, sometimes the sweater will win, but in that situation, that time and many times since then, I can honestly say I don't need this $30 thing. I would rather put that in our savings bucket to go to Portugal, say I don't need this $30 thing.

Brad Nelson:  

I would rather put that in our savings bucket to go to Portugal. Yeah yeah, you're so right. I think goal setting is so overlooked by so many people who are living a paycheck to paycheck life. When I work with a lot of people and I ask them what their goals are, they're typically either very broad or loose, or it's crickets in a lot of cases. I'm glad you brought it up, because I think if you can take the time to set good short-term and long-term goals, it really helps you in those moments where you're tempted to spend money because it's like no, I want this bigger thing that I'm really working for over here. So can I ask you, when it struggling with some mental health stuff too, like, can you handle both of them at the same time, or is it one or the other? Like what?

Lindsey Konchar:  

is, in your expert opinion, the way to go about that. I think having money can alleviate so many mental health issues and symptoms that we see. And so for me, there are certain things that certainly come beforehand right, and I don't want to go too dark but like suicidal ideation, self-injurious behaviors, those things are crises. We need to address those immediately. Right, that is going to take precedence over anything else.

Lindsey Konchar:  

But really the work that I do is again because so much of our anxiety symptoms are looking at what other people have feeling bad about not having enough, feeling overwhelmed and underwater by your money, all these different things. So when we can start getting that situated, I often see people even like the very first step, when we're just laying out their debt and looking at, okay, what are we really working with here, it's almost like a sigh of relief. Often I would expect the opposite reaction, like oh my God, this is so overwhelming and they just clam up and freeze. But in almost every scenario that I see, people see that number and they're like holy crap, but at least now I know, Now I can problem solve, Now I can work through it and, yes, it's a big move. But I think again, like having you having me, having somebody to work with and having that accountability with your spending, and it actually alleviates so many of the symptoms that we see in a standard diagnosis for anxiety or in depression.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, you're so right and I think that's one of the reasons I am so intentional with being as transparent as I can be on our podcast and with the stuff. The work that we're doing is helping people understand, because I think when you have a position like we're in to talk about personal finance, teach people about personal finance, you tend to put yourself on a pedestal almost where people look at you like well, you got this stuff perfect and it's like no, no, no, we don't have it perfect at all. We are open book. I make mistakes. I'm human.

Brad Nelson:  

There's times where I bust my budget and spend money I shouldn't like. All that stuff's happening and I think so many of us are overcome, especially early on, with that guilt and that shame and the embarrassment around it. And and you're right Like once you start kind of getting it all on paper and you start seeing the things, it becomes more like OK, how can I start working through this as opposed to avoiding it? That's so good and full celebration of that. What are some of your bad financial habits that you still deal with today?

Lindsey Konchar:  

I love spontaneity.

Lindsey Konchar:  

I love it, and so especially as a parent with two young kids. I don't ever get it, and so when I have an opportunity to be spontaneous, I'm like, oh yeah, all in, I love it. So there's definitely that. And to be honest, in some ways I love investing. I love it, and so we have actually taken a really hard look at some of our just how much a month we are contributing to investments. And my husband's like, well, can't we do this one thing? And I'm like I don't know, we have to invest. And then when we actually crunch the numbers, I'm like, okay, no, we can pull back a little bit, like we're okay.

Lindsey Konchar:  

So some of mine has like, kind of, you know from where I was when I started and now understanding how it all works, now I'm like, oh God, I need to like loosen the purse strings a little bit. So I think there's a bunch and they come up randomly and, to be honest, I still impulse spend sometimes too. I'm like going through the grocery store, I see four things that I need, or have my list of four things and I'm like, ooh, but those look good. Ooh, I want that too. And all of a sudden my cart's like oh crap, how did that happen? So we totally do that, yeah, absolutely.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, how do you balance so? Absolutely yeah, how do you balance? So? I love that you brought up investing. How do you balance that whole? Because it's something I've dealt with over the last, especially the last like two to three years.

Brad Nelson:  

Again, I lost my previous spouse to suicide, believe it or not, and one of the things that I was also when I was a financial coach, I was like got to invest, got to invest, got to save, got to save, and I sometimes would do so much of that. I focus more on the life I'm living right now, today, but going through that experience and having to come out the other side, rebuild my life, it really made me focus on taking the time, especially when my kids are young, and going on that trip and doing the things that you want to do today because you're not promised tomorrow. So, in your experience working with people, how do you balance that? Because I think so many people are overcome with that. Well, you only live once and so many people who have that mentality also live really tight, paycheck to paycheck lives. But how do you balance, like preparing for the future, but also I want to live today too, a little bit.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Yeah, it's a great question. I'm so sorry that you experienced that too. That's incredibly difficult, but you're right, that is something I hear often and actually, especially in a partnership. That is part of the dynamic that I often see is the one person's like I want to get financially fit and the other person's like I'm living my life right and oftentimes I actually do see it as a result of bereavement of somebody who's passed away and they're like I don't want to tie up all my money in something that I might never get to enjoy. And it's a totally perfectly reasonable reaction to experiencing death of a loved one. It really is, and so.

Lindsey Konchar:  

But I think the other side of the coin is, especially as parents, I know that every single cent that I tie up in investing and I tie up but that's invested in a retirement account is going to go either to my spouse, if I pass, or to my children, and I'm perfectly fine setting them up for success and me not experiencing like that money that I've put away. That is okay for me personally and I know that is an angle for parents that often ends up working is like is it really wasted if it's going to your kids? Probably not For those that aren't parents. It's a little bit different of a conversation, but I think that is a really important thing to remember. This is where I definitely will start leaning into the numbers a little bit more heavily, because when you actually crunch some things and kind of run, you know, use an investment calculator and see what it's projecting for you, is $100,000 in retirement going to make that much of a difference? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

Lindsey Konchar:  

If we're talking like, okay, we're going to have $2.5 million, you're going to have $2.6 million, what does it matter? But that extra you know, maybe 400 bucks a month could really help you right now, move the needle forward, and so I'm really comfortable running some of those scenarios and saying this is what we're talking. What is that going to do for you now, that 400 extra bucks that you could put towards debt or you could put towards a vacation? That is going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity for you and your family.

Lindsey Konchar:  

And sometimes I do have the clients that are like they don't know how to spend money. They've never learned, it's always been tight in their household, and now they're like but I want to live my life and I don't know how, and that is, some of the practices that we do is, like what if we just reduce your investing, actually, like, turn down that dial, 200 bucks a month? What is that going to do for you and where could that go? To make your life now a little bit easier, hire house cleaners, right, go on the vacation, do do something for your partnership, hire the babysitter and go on a date, for God's sakes.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Like what is it that you can pour into now, um, and so I think it's kind of a question of where do they fall on that pendulum of like we're too loosey goosey or we're too, you know, kind of a tight wad, if you will. And what's the fine balance? And knowing that you can always turn that dial up and down, nothing that you're doing is like, well, this is what we do and now this is how we do it forever, like we've been really serious investors in our family for again several, several years, and now we do get to turn the dial down on that a little bit and say, okay, we've reached coast fire. What can we do to like improve our lives now? And that's a really exciting place to be, and how can we get other people kind of feeling that momentum?

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, what kind of encouragement would you give to people right now? I mean, inflation is the way that it is, you know, groceries are, I mean, everything's up. You know we we talked a little bit about social media and these algorithms are really good, you know. They see you watching one video where one person is saying you know, there's no hope, I'm broke, I can't get out of debt. All of a sudden, you start seeing those messages over and over and over again, because the algorithm knows you're watching those and it can begin to shape your thinking of well, everybody's struggling, so there's no hope for me either. So what would you, what hope would, I guess, you provide to the average person right now who is feeling, like, well, because things are so expensive, there is no hope for me, there's nothing I can do, like, what would you say to them?

Lindsey Konchar:  

I would take a very high inventory of what you're consuming, right, whether that's on TV or on your phone probably primarily on your phone now and if you're getting those messages. I personally do not follow any news accounts because I don't want to clickbait, I don't want to get off my phone and feel even worse about life in some ways, right, and so I do. I've noticed kind of who I'm following and I take kind of a evaluation or an inventory of those accounts. I'm like is this making me happier or is this making me feel worse? And sometimes it's kind of twisted because you're like well, it should be making me feel happier, but actually I'm just comparing myself to this person and they're further along in their business journey or whatever, and so it doesn't actually make me feel good right now and that's fine, but it but. But it takes a level of self awareness to really dive into that and like what am I consuming? What am I seeing? Especially there's an election on the horizon what are you seeing that.

Lindsey Konchar:  

You know that can be really triggering for some people too. So I just really highly recommend, if there's like clickbaity things that are in your email inbox, if there's you know social media accounts that you are seeing email inbox, if there's you know social media accounts that you are seeing, follow happy news accounts. I love happy news accounts Like look at the puppy, whatever videos. Don't look at the, you know really sad, sad videos, because there's research to say how that really truly impacts your mood, and so I think those things are really important to be aware of, and there's a level of self-accountability that needs to be had in this, and so I don't think it necessarily falls on the entire individual response. You and I cannot be responsible for inflation, but you and I can definitely respond to what we're going to do about it, and making different choices to instill that hope in our lives is really important.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, yeah, focus on what you can control. Yeah, don't spend so much time on all the other stuff, but that was great. So, lindsay, where can people learn more about you and find more information about you?

Lindsey Konchar:  

Yeah, thank you for asking. So I am financial therapist Lindsay on Instagram. That is mostly where I hang out, so people can find me there, and my website is Coping With Lindsay and there's an entire financial therapy page on there so people can learn more about me there as well.

Brad Nelson:  

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for spending some time with us and talking how to reduce financial stress. I appreciate you.

Lindsey Konchar:  

Yeah, absolutely.

Brad Nelson:  

Thank you so much for having me All right guys, if you want to pay off debt, if you want to save more money, if you want to take better control of your finances and start seeing amazing results in just as little as 30 to 60 days. All you have to do is head over to debtfreedadcom, click on the green button at the top of the page and we're going to show you how you can get started money. Let's talk about all the good things, all the bad things that may be. Let's talk about debt.

Announcement:  

Let's talk about debt. Tune into Debt Free Debt. Tune into Debt Free Debt.

Brad Nelson:  

All right, as you guys know, that's how it means. It's time for the celebrations of the show, and today we are kicking it off with Nikki. Nikki says we paid off our very first debt. Nikki, that first one, you never forget it. It's such a game changer, so motivating and so excited for you guys. Way to go, congratulations.

Brad Nelson:  

Natalie says we built our very first emergency fund to three thousand dollars. She says I've never had this much money saved in my life and I feel amazing. Natalie, I know exactly what that feeling feels like. I know I felt that way when I first got that emergency fund built. It is such a stress-relieving just amazing gift that you give to yourself. So, natalie, congratulations to you.

Brad Nelson:  

Jess, I took a trip to the spa and it was all budgeted for and I paid 100% cash. Jess, proof that with a budget, you don't have to cut everything out. You can still enjoy life while improving your finances. Jess, way to go, congratulations. Hey, as always, guys, congratulations to all of you guys who are taking a stand for your financial life and are wanting better. Hey, we get that. Getting out of debt isn't easy, but with our help and with your consistency, discipline and hard work, we promise you guys, this will be some of the best work that you guys do in your entire life. Hey, thanks for joining us on today's show and we're gonna see you guys on the next episode. Take care.

Announcement:  

Thanks for listening to the Debt-Free Dad podcast. Connect with us on Facebook, tiktok, youtube and Instagram. Just search Debt-Free Dad podcast. Connect with us on Facebook, tiktok, youtube and Instagram. Just search Debt-Free Dad. If you found value in today's episode, please leave us a rating and review. We so appreciate it For resources, show notes and links mentioned in today's show. Visit DebtFreeDadcom. Catch you next week.

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