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Episode: 280 - Conquering Financial Anxiety with Financial Therapist Lindsey Konchar

Are financial anxiety and stress overwhelming you? If so, you're certainly not alone. Many individuals grapple with the challenges of managing money, but there is hope—assistance is readily available. In a recent episode of the Debt-Free Dad podcast, host Brad Nelson interviewed Lindsey Konchar, an experienced financial therapist. During their conversation, they discussed strategies for overcoming debt, improving mental health, and cultivating a healthier relationship with money. Below is a detailed summary of their enlightening discussion.

 

 

 Understanding Financial Anxiety

Financial anxiety is a prevalent issue and one of the leading causes of stress in the United States. Lindsey points out that financial stress not only impacts mental health but also contributes to physical health problems. For many, financial difficulties stem from a lack of understanding about how to manage money effectively. The pursuit of short-term gratification through spending often leads to deeper financial troubles.

Social media plays a significant role in exacerbating these issues by encouraging unhealthy comparisons. Seeing others' curated lifestyles can foster feelings of inadequacy and trigger impulsive spending. Recognizing this influence is crucial in making more thoughtful financial decisions.

The Path to Financial Improvement

Communication and Compromise in Relationships

Lindsey emphasizes that open communication and compromise are essential in relationships where partners have differing approaches to finances. Often, one partner may fear that financial restrictions will limit their freedom and enjoyment of life. To address this, Lindsey recommends the following:

  • Understanding Priorities: Align spending with shared goals, ensuring that financial decisions contribute to the couple’s progress as a team.
  • Separate Discretionary Accounts: Each partner should maintain their own discretionary account for personal spending. This allows guilt-free spending and helps avoid conflicts over individual purchases.

Teaching Kids About Money

Teaching children about finances from an early age is crucial, as money habits are generally established by age 10. Lindsey suggests involving children in financial discussions and decisions, which can empower them and instill a sense of responsibility. This approach helps them learn the value of money and the importance of wise spending and saving.

The Role of Emotions in Financial Decisions

Lindsey advises that instead of trying to suppress emotions related to financial decisions, it can be more effective to understand and work through them. Recognizing why you spend money and the emotions you seek through spending can help you make more rational decisions. By acknowledging spending as a coping mechanism, you can better manage both your emotions and your finances.

Setting Intentional Goals

Clear and specific financial goals are key to guiding spending habits and avoiding impulsive purchases. For instance, Lindsey shared that during a Black Friday sale, she chose to save for a family trip to Portugal rather than purchase a sweater. This example highlights how visualizing the long-term benefits of saving can encourage more disciplined financial behavior.

Balancing the Present and Future

Finding the right balance between saving for the future and enjoying the present is critical. Lindsey uses investment calculators to illustrate to clients how small adjustments in saving and spending can significantly impact their future. She recommends adjusting contributions to investments seasonally to reflect current financial needs and goals. This flexible approach helps clients avoid feeling deprived while staying on track toward long-term financial stability.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

In light of rising inflation and the pervasive influence of social media, it’s essential to focus on aspects of your financial life that you can control. Lindsey encourages people to manage their media consumption and follow accounts that inspire rather than provoke feelings of inadequacy or fear. Being selective about the content you consume can significantly improve both your mental and financial well-being.

For those struggling with financial anxiety or in need of personalized guidance, Lindsey Konchar’s holistic approach to financial therapy may offer the support needed to regain control of both finances and mental health.

For additional tips on managing finances and reducing financial stress, follow Lindsey on Instagram and visit her website. Be sure to tune in to the Debt-Free Dad podcast for continuous advice and motivation.

With discipline, consistency, and hard work, financial freedom and a stress-free life are achievable.

Resources Mentioned

 Connect with Lindsey: www.copingwithlindsey.com/financial-therapy

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Transcript:

Brad Nelson (Host)
00:00
Are you feeling overwhelmed by financial anxiety and stress? Today, I'm excited to welcome Lindsey Konchar to the podcast. Now Lindsey is here to share her expertise on dealing with the double whammy of debt, and also mental health and how to tackle unhealthy money mindsets head-on. Now we're covering the strategies you need to take back control, break free from the guilt and the shame, and make financial self-care a non-negotiable part of your life. Stay tuned.

Announcement
00:33
You're listening to the Debt-Free Dad podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experienced the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks, and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Brad Nelson (Host)
01:04
Hey guys, I'm Brad Nelson, founder of Debt Free Dad. I paid off about $45,000 of debt and have been debt free now for more than 11 years. I've also been fortunate to help thousands of other people save and pay off tens of millions of dollars with the work that we do here at Debt Free Dad. Now, after listening to this episode, if you want to take your finances to the next level, you'd like to get better results in as little as 30 to 60 days—no kidding. Hey, I'll be sharing some details on how you can get started with that resource later on in today's show. So, hey, Lindsey, welcome to the Debt-Free Dad podcast. So glad that you have joined us here today.

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
01:38
Thank you so much for having me. I am pumped to be chatting with you.

Brad Nelson (Host)
01:41
Yeah, absolutely! So, can you share quickly? I know we were just chatting here right before we hit record—I've been doing this 9, 10 years—and obviously, as a coach, we often run into some other things when it comes to more underlying issues, where someone needs to seek out the help of a counselor or therapist for things that are going on in their life. So, can you share how you got into this? I always think I have a crazy story about how I got into this because I never planned on helping people with their finances. So I'd just be interested to see how you got into this.

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
02:11
Yeah, no. So about eight years—just over eight years ago or so—my then-boyfriend, now husband, and I were getting pretty serious. We were like six months in, and we were both kind of like, all right, I think you're my person. But we were very quickly noticing that he was very good at saving money, and I was very good at spending money. I was like, I think we just need to get on the same page about this kind of stuff, right? And his upbringing was entirely different than mine. I come from divorced parents, and their primary reason for their split was money—they were constantly fighting about it. So I had a really tumultuous relationship with money, and I was like, let's get serious. So we actually started kind of our own financial wellness journey back then.

Fast forward five years ago, I became a licensed therapist, and that was always my path. I was going to help people, and that was going to be the thing. But I still loved learning about money myself. I still loved reading the books and listening to the podcasts, doing it all. And about a year and a half ago, I heard the term "financial therapist" while I was listening to an audiobook, completely unrelated to either field. I paused the audiobook, went home, immediately Googled financial therapist, and found out that I, in fact, qualify for the certification as a Master of Social Work myself. So we had the conversation, and I was like, I think this is my niche, like, I think this is me, and I am it. So I did the certification program, and the rest is history.

Brad Nelson (Host)
03:44
Yeah, that is awesome. And how long have you been doing this?

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
03:47
So a year and a half ago, I got the certification, and then shortly thereafter, I started taking clients.

Brad Nelson (Host)
03:52
Okay, cool. Awesome. And I mean, as you know, the statistics right now on stress and anxiety as it relates to finances are insane. It's the number one stressor in the United States. 47% of people right now, or at least adults, say that money is negatively impacting their mental health. I mean, it's just crazy. Even from a physical standpoint, we just had some statistics and studies shared on our podcast that said financial stressors are one of the top causes of physical ailments as well, over and above things you would think are more serious, like bereavement and all these other things. Finances run deep. So, can you share a little bit about why this is? Obviously, we get that with inflation and expenses being high and all of that kind of stuff, but why are we seeing this uptick? Even prior to inflation, finances have always been kind of this stressful thing. Why do you think most people struggle with this from a stress standpoint and how they manage their life?

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
04:34
Yeah, so finances and money, it's so interesting because it gets so deep and so heavy, and that's largely because of our upbringing and how we were raised. There's this new term that's being thrown around, "money trauma," and it comes from the idea that we all have these experiences from when we were younger, these stories about money, whether it's from our parents or family or even from society. And these stories kind of develop over time into beliefs. And those beliefs are what impact how we manage our money as adults. So if your story growing up was that money is always scarce, it creates a sense of fear and anxiety about money. If your story was that money equals power or success, then you're always chasing after it, often at the expense of your mental health and relationships. These underlying beliefs can create unhealthy habits, like overspending, or even lead to avoidance, where people don't even want to think about money because it's too stressful.

Brad Nelson (Host)
05:27
Yeah, that makes sense. I think that's something a lot of people can relate to, whether they grew up in a household where there was never enough money, or they watched their parents struggle, or maybe even their parents were good with money, but they just never really talked about it. So when they became adults, they didn’t have the skills they needed to manage it properly. So, from your perspective, when someone comes to you with these kinds of ingrained beliefs or even "money trauma," how do you start working through that with them?

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
05:55
So it’s really about identifying those underlying beliefs first. We spend a lot of time just talking about their experiences with money, both growing up and as adults. What were they taught about money? What did they see in their household? What messages did they get from their community or culture? Once we get a sense of those stories, we can start to challenge them. It's kind of like re-writing the script. So, for example, if someone believes that they're never going to have enough money because that's what they learned growing up, we challenge that and start to create new beliefs around abundance and financial security. It's a process of reframing those thoughts and learning new, healthier ways of managing money.

Brad Nelson (Host)
06:35
That’s so important. And I imagine that takes time, right? Because you're really trying to undo years, even decades, of beliefs and behaviors. It's not something that happens overnight. But, it's worth the work in the long run, especially if it means they can finally find peace with their finances. Now, what are some strategies or practical tips you share with your clients to help them deal with money stress and anxiety?

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
06:59
Yeah, so one of the first things I suggest is what I call "money mindfulness." It's the idea of becoming really aware of how you're feeling about your money. Often, people feel anxious or stressed about money without even realizing why. So I encourage them to take some time to reflect on their emotions when it comes to finances. Are they feeling fear? Are they feeling guilt or shame? Recognizing those emotions is the first step to working through them.

Another tip is creating a financial plan that’s focused on self-care. So often, people see budgeting as restrictive or stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. I encourage people to think of their budget as a tool for financial self-care—something that helps them take care of themselves, their needs, and their future. It's about shifting the mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance and control.

Brad Nelson (Host)
07:48
Yeah, I love that idea of money mindfulness. We often tell people that getting control of their money isn't just about math—it's about mindset, too. If you can change the way you think and feel about money, you can change the way you manage it. And I think a lot of people miss that. They think they just need to earn more or cut back on spending, but it’s so much deeper than that.

So, Lindsey, as we wrap up here today, what’s the one thing you want our listeners to take away from this conversation? What’s the most important thing they can do to start improving their relationship with money right now?

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
08:17
I would say start small and be kind to yourself. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Start by just paying attention to how you feel about your money, and then work from there. It’s also really important to recognize that it’s not about being perfect—it’s about progress. So take it one step at a time, and celebrate those small wins along the way. And if you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out for it. Whether it’s a financial therapist, a financial coach, or even just a supportive friend or family member, having someone in your corner can make a big difference.

Brad Nelson (Host)
08:52
That’s great advice. Lindsey, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your wisdom. I think a lot of people are going to take some valuable insights from this conversation and start applying them to their own financial lives. And for those of you listening, if you want to connect with Lindsey or learn more about her work, we’ll have all the links and resources in the show notes. Lindsey, thanks again for being here.

Lindsey Konchar (Guest)
09:12
Thanks so much for having me!

Brad Nelson (Host)
09:14
All right, guys, that’s a wrap for today’s episode. If you found today’s show helpful, be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. And don’t forget to check out those show notes for more resources and links to connect with Lindsey. Thanks for tuning in, and we’ll see you next time on the Debt-Free Dad podcast.

 

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